I crawled into my house and to the bathroom. The soft graze that moves from contact to limbo for approximately 10 seconds before crescendoing to crippling pain, normally the queen mother of all manly pain, paled in comparison to the shock waves that radiated out through my body. Once, while doing front wheelies, I decided, for some idiotic reason conjured deep within the idiocy of my 13 year old brain, to build up to a good speed, and corresponding momentum, before slamming on my front brakes. When I was 13 years old, I was quite daring with my bicycle. No matter how certain I am that we don’t want a fourth, I can only think about what Dave Barry wrote: “If you’re a man considering this step, you need to reflect upon the fact that they are going to cut a hole in your scrotum.” Still, no matter how much we hate physical barriers and no matter how hard I try, I cannot make the call and schedule the appointment. The pill is an option, but past experience suggests the pill gives the wife severe headaches. Yet our non-Catholicism impedes a roll-the-dice mentality. Blair and I are not big fans of interrupting the moment with physical barriers. There is a reason I once assumed I’d go down the snippery slope. When the conversation turned to prevention after our second daughter, I told the doctor that I would take the necessary steps and we moved on to other bits of wisdom such as a newborn’s inability to digest turkey dogs (all Kosher beef or nothing) and the fact that newborns wholly prevent you from sleeping for the first six months. Several close friends have faced the scalpel and none have had complications. “Just in case you don’t know how this happened, here’s what you did and here’s how to prevent it in the future.”įor years, when the topic was hypothetical, I always assumed I’d take the outpatient route and go under the knife. Perhaps they’ve gotten so accustomed to teenagers they feel the need to explain the birds and the bees to all new parents. I’m not sure why the doctors include this topic. Toward the end of the pregnancy, or maybe right after birth, one of the conversations the doctor insists on having is what birth control you’ll be using once the post-partum dry spell ends. When your wife is pregnant, she goes to many doctor’s appointments.
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